


Gasoline

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Based on a Tumblr Post, Clint Barton Dies, I'm Going to Hell, I'm Sorry, Multi, My Tumblr Post, Natasha Needs a Hug, Pietro Angst, Pietro Maximoff Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 10:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4783850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Age of Ultron AU where Clint does die and things are sad for a while. Unsuprisingly angst is what happens when I listen to certain Halsey songs...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gasoline

He can’t sleep, how can he when every fucking time he tries its _Clint's_ face he sees, empty eyed, dead weighted, _gone_. and the voices in his head, they won't leave him alone. Always hissing at him, poking, whispering vicious, cruel words, acid taunts.

_You weren't fast enough_

__

_You couldn't save him._

__

_You can't save anybody._

And god Pietro knows that isn't true, it was his sister and _him_ who helped the avengers, it was _them_ who helped saved Sokovia, their _home_. He's a hero, rtut’ the kids called him, _quicksilver_ , he should be _proud_.

If the shadows under his eyes could say anything at all, they’d say he isn’t proud, not really.

How could he be proud, it's his fault Hawkeye, Clint isn't here

alive

safe

_home_.

It was in Sokovia where the Avengers gained two new members, and lost one

lost a friend, comrade, _brother_.

And dammit Pietro feels so so fucking awful, and when he does sleep

he dreams,

they're _nightmares_ and what he sees hears, feels make him _sick_ because Clint didn't deserve this, any of it. and when it's not Pietro standing, swaying over Clint's body ready to vomit, it's Clint shooting through the glass beneath Pietro's feet, smirking _‘You didn't see that coming?’,_

 

it's Clint laughing snarking with his ~~teammates~~ , his ~~friends~~ , his family **  
**

and somehow that is _worse_ ,

so much worse because it's in those visions where Clint is _alive_ and _fuck_ Pietro hates them, hates himself because it shouldn't be possible,

but he's fallen in love with a dead man's smile.

 

Pietro can’t sleep, not when his room is dark with shadows crawling under the bed and dripping from the corners of the walls. Not when he hears hissing from the closet that sounds too much like Clint’s voice. Not when he’s shaking so bad and his head is filled with every mistake he’s made that day, every stumble, trip, every time he needed assistance on a mission.

Not even with his sister beside him.

He’s driving himself _crazy_ and his head is being so _mean_ , but it won’t stop, can’t stop and Pietro doesn’t know what to do anymore because he’s never felt this way before.

His room is _alive_ with his thoughts and it keeps him awake.

Wanda is mad at him.  

Ok that’s not true, but that’s what it feels like sometimes. She just doesn't know how to help him and that frustrates her because it was supposed to be them against the world, she’s miffed at how hard her brother is taking the death of a _stranger_ , she doesn't know how to deal with the fact that her brother had found someone to care about (no matter how brief their part in his life) almost as much as her. She wants to help him, she wants to chase the monsters away like he’s done for her so many times before, she wants him to be him again and she finds herself just a bit mad at the late archer for taking a piece of Pietro with him when he passed.

She wants his _happiness_  back and he only ever smiles in his sleep now, but it's always accompanied with tears streaming down his cheeks so she knows it the archer he's dreaming about.

She knows it the archer who brings him this pain, but she also knows that it is the archer that makes him smile so heartbreakingly wide.

She’s not mad at him, but Black Widow (he doesn’t deserve to call her Natasha) hates him.

He’s _positive_.

On the off chance that they see each other she would give him these looks with eyes almost as dead as Clint’s. She calls him by his codename and he’s glad. No one else blames him, they call him Pietro, they try to make him smile , make him feel like one of them.

She doesn’t and for every time she calls him ‘Quicksilver’,for every vacant stare he gets to breathe a little easier, because that means _he’s not crazy_ , it's his _fault_ and he’s not the _only_ one who feels that way.

At least that’s what he thought, until she approached him on one of his better nights (where he can’t sleep) and told him to pack very lightly because they were going somewhere.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written in a while and I'm sorry for that, but I'm back now!


End file.
